Shit or get off the pot!

Welcome to my blog! This used to be a blog about expecting baby #1, my wishlist, accolades for friends - but with the popularity and ease of Pinterest (which, by the way, if you would like to follow me, click here!) that is no longer necessary or effective.

In January of 2011, I got (somewhat) honest with my husband and told him how much I was drinking...as if he didn't already KNOW...and that I thought I would need to get "outside help" from a therapist or the like. So I started to see Dr. Daniel Callahan. He specializes in an array of areas, but I needed his help with addiction/co-dependence/anxiety (just to name a few). Yes, folks, I am a triple winner! :) Anyway, he suggested that I try a few AA meetings. And wow - was that a whole new world! At first I felt like I didn't fit in with "those people." My erroneous assumption about alcoholics was that "they all" had to be at least middle aged, divorced, probably jobless, homeless, living under the bridge and drinking out of brown paper bags. BOY, WAS I WRONG! I didn't realize that there were AA meetings all over town, and at all hours of the day {to locate a meeting near YOU, visit your hometown's AA website and you can see a list}. Here in Jacksonville, the link is here.

It was easy to admit I had a drinking problem, and was even able to introduce myself as "I'm Kadie, and I'm an alcoholic" at the first meeting. But that was just the tip of the iceberg, as I am now learning. Admitting my alcoholism was NOT the same as accepting it. I thought AA would teach me how to control my drinking, maybe even help me stop for a WHILE but I never knew that sobriety meant to give up drugs and alcohol for GOOD, FOREVER. I just couldn't accept that. "After all," I thought, "its not like I've ever gotten in TROUBLE from drinking....never got a DUI, never been arrested, never lost a job, never been estranged from family members! SURELY I can drink again SOMEDAY."

Well, the answer is YES - I can drink again. But do I want to? Alcoholism is a progressive disease - terminal even - and if I don't stop soon I will start having those consequences. Has it been a perfect journey? HELL NO. I have slipped more times that I'd like to admit, and even did/said some things that I am still paying for. In fact, I just drank recently. But you know what? I got absolutely ZERO relief....So I'm at that jumping off point: you know, the one where you say to your self, "SELF, {PLEASE} SHIT OR GET OFF THE POT! This limbo of I can/I can't is ridiculously painful." And periods of being dry or on a 3-day bender are REALLY GETTING OLD.

So that is my very vague version of the past 2 years. How I've recently made more progress in the past month than ever. How I'm grateful that it has only taken me 26 months to get to here rather than the men/women I meet "in the rooms" who have wasted 20 years struggling, and have lost their marriage, job, house, custody of their kids, etc. I'm actually grateful that I'm one of the lucky ones who has found a solution in AA. I'm hopeful that I will find long-lasting sobriety, peace, and serenity. And soon.

If you suspect you or someone you love has a drinking/drug problem, visit Alcoholics Anonymous or read "The Big Book (AA's foundational text)" online.